Daz 4 Zoe Read online

  Anyway, there we were, cruising in through the outskirts and it was like dusk and you couldn’t see too well. None of the street lights was working and Ned had to slow right down to keep from ramming piles of trash or driving into a hole or something. There were holes everywhere. Deep ones, full of slimy water. Ned switched on the headlamps, but it was that weird time halfway between daylight and dark when headlamps aren’t much help.

  There didn’t seem to be any people about at first. Just dogs. You hear about the dogs on telly, how they hunt in packs through the streets, killing Chippy kids and eating them. You might have heard this sick joke:

  Why did the dog eat the Chippy?

  ‘Cause he was its Pal.

  Pal – geddit?

  They weren’t in packs, the ones we saw. They were loners, dashing across in front of us with their tails between their legs. Some were pretty big, though, and they were all thin, and you could easily imagine them going for you if you didn’t have the car.

  As we drove further in we passed through a so-called residential development – multi-storey apartment blocks scattered across a wilderness of long grass and overgrown pathways. Most of the blocks were doorless and glassless and there was rubbish everywhere. Cans and bottles, plastic bags, filthy mattresses, the skeletons of baby-buggies, you name it.

  And people. People leaning in doorways, shuffling along broken paths, framed in unglazed windows. Ragged men with their hands in their pockets and stubble on their cheeks. Slag-bag women with greasy hair and shapeless legs. Thin kids with bare feet and vacant expressions, watching our car go by. I shivered, wondering how people could bear to live like this.

  As we left the residential area behind and approached the old commercial centre, I began to wonder how the Chippies could possibly have anything to offer us which was worth the awful risk of being here. If you want to know the truth I was scared. I mean, I knew the city wasn’t going to be Disneyland or anything. I knew that before I came. And everybody knows chippying’s dangerous. They run videos on telly about seven hundred times a night, warning you. One of them shows a car with all four doors open and a shoe lying in the road. Just a shoe. But it was worse than I’d expected and that was because of the eyes. Chippy eyes. What they should do is, they should show a video of Chippies looking at the camera like they looked at us that night. That cold, dead look with something behind it like waiting.

  I said to nobody in particular, ‘These clubs. What’re they like?’

  Tabby tittered. ‘Dark. They’re dark.’

  ‘And noisy,’ said Larry, twisting his stringy neck to look around at us. ‘Fantastically noisy.’

  ‘They’re usually full of smoke, too,’ Ned added. ‘Your eyes start streaming after a bit.’

  ‘So what’s good about them?’ I pursued. ‘I mean, it seems a lot of hassle just to get deafened, choked and blinded. You could fall in a cement mixer and have all the same stuff going for you.’

  Ned laughed. ‘I like it.’ He looked at Tabby through his mirror. ‘Your friend’s a real wit, Tab.’

  Tabby nodded. ‘I know. That’s why she’s along.’

  ‘Anyway.’ The reflected eyes switched to me. ‘You’re about to find out for yourself, Zoe. We’re here.’

  Ned steered the car into the curb and stopped. I looked out and saw what looked like a poky old shop in a dilapidated row. Its window was boarded up and somebody had daubed ‘Blue Moon’ across the boards with blue paint. The paint had run down in lines so that the words seemed propped on spindly legs. Beside the window a door stood open and the strip of brickwork between supported a man in dark glasses who was chewing a match.

  The man watched us get out of the car. As we approached the door he pushed himself upright and stood with his hands in his pockets, blocking our way.

  ‘Two bucks,’ he mumbled. ‘Each.’

  Ned produced a handful of coins and began counting them into the man’s palm. The guy rolled the match from one corner of his mouth to the other and said, ‘Been saving up, kid?’ Ned was unloading small change on him and I guess he’d have preferred notes. With his shades and thin moustache he looked sort of sinister. I wouldn’t have risked answering back, but Ned said, ‘It’s money isn’t it?’ and the guy just shrugged.

  All the time Ned was counting, people kept going in the door. Larry noticed this and said, ‘Hey!’ The man’s eyes flicked up.

  ‘Whassamarra, kid?’

  ‘Them.’ Larry pointed at two guys just walking in.

  ‘What about them?’

  ‘What about ’em?’

  ‘They haven’t paid. Why do we have to pay and not them?’

  The guy sneered. ‘What they gonna pay with kid – foodstamps? Subbies got all the peanuts.’

  Chippies hardly ever get cash. Even I know that, for pete’s sake. For all that he’s the son of a Selectman, Larry can be very dumb sometimes.

  When the guy finally let us in we followed Ned along a short passage into a large, crowded room. People sat hunched over little tables with drinks in front of them, and most of the space between was filled with people standing. There was a bar along one wall and an alcove in another, stacked with sound equipment. A DJ was feeding an ancient twindeck. He had the volume so high you felt it through your feet. Near the alcove some people were trying to dance on a raised platform the size of a Kleenex. The atmosphere was ninety percent smoke and there was a nauseating smell whose cause I didn’t want to think about.

  We were standing in the doorway. Ned turned and said something I didn’t catch. I leaned toward him. ‘What?’

  He shoved his lips in my ear. ‘I said, what’ll you have?’

  I didn’t know. I wasn’t concentrating. I’d seen a terrific-looking boy across the room. ‘What’s Tabby having?’ I said.

  ‘A lobotomiser.’

  ‘A what?’

  ‘A lobotomiser. It’s coke with rum and a couple of other ingredients. Try one?’

  ‘Sure, why not?’ I didn’t want a drink. I specially didn’t want a drink with a name like lobotomiser, but what could I do? I wanted to be part of the gang, and the quickest way to screw up something like that is to act like a drag.

  So.

  DAZ

  Thay com in lucking nervous. 4 of em. 2 guys 2 wumen, nor thay aint old enuff 2 be owt ov school neever. Stop by the door lucking rownd like somfing smell bad. i’m wiv Mick and som ovver guys and we just turn away like we saying you noffing 2 us you Subby trash, only thers 1 of em rite, this girl, and she’s nice. Not just 2 luck at. i dont mean that. She coms in diffrent. Lucks rownd diffrent. Not sniffy if you know wot i mean. i cop a luck then turn away wiv the overs and then a bit later i luck rownd and catch er watching me. Soon as i turn er eyes go down but its 2 late i seen er. i gorra be careful cos i don’t want Mick 2 see me lucking and him getting ready 2 introdoos me 2 Cal, but i keep watching owt ov my eye corner and she’s fixt on me alrite.

  ZOE

  Ned began making his way towards the bar and the rest of us followed. The Chippies let us through, but they weren’t acting pleased to see us and I avoided looking in their eyes.

  When we all had drinks, Ned used his height to look for space. He spotted some and we went and stood there, holding our drinks and surveying the scene.

  It was no big deal, I can tell you that. Just a lot of mean, dirty people crammed into a tacky room getting smashed, while some psycho of a DJ took out their eardrums to get at their brains. I was already wishing I hadn’t come, and I knew if we got home in one piece I was never going to do it again.

  It must have shown on my face too, because Tabby nudged me and grinned and pointed to my glass. ‘Try it!’ she yelled. ‘It’ll put you in the mood.’

  ‘Or in the hospital,’ cried Larry, who looked drunk already.

  I sniffed my glass, and it didn’t smell like coke. I didn’t want to drink it, but I saw the evening in front of me and I sure didn’t want to spend all of it feeling the way I was feeling now. I shrugged, lifted the glass to
my lips and took a sip.

  It wasn’t bad. It tasted better than it smelled, and I could feel it making its way down inside me like a hot little elevator. It felt sort of good, if you want to know. I took another sip and that felt even better. It was then I noticed the glass was dirty, but what a lobotomiser’ll do is, it’ll relax you, right? Two sips and I was laid back to where I could think, what the heck d’you expect in a dive like this – Waterford Crystal?

  In fact it wasn’t a bad old place once you got a drink inside you. It was sort of cheerful, really – all these people, laughing and smoking and moving to the music as if they weren’t dirty or poor or anything. It was like they left all that outside. They were okay, and we were okay too. What you had to do was, you had to let go and let it sort of sweep you along. I was being swept along, all right. By the time I finished my drink all I knew was I never felt anything like this down the Sil-verdale youth centre. All of my nervousness had gone and I was ten feet tall.

  I must have been on to my third lobotomiser when the boy I’d noticed before turned and looked at me. He was just another Chippy guy in a beat up leather jacket and wild, greasy-looking hair, but he turned round and our eyes met and that was it.

  I guess sometimes there are moments when people’s lives change and they don’t even know it. They can look back later, when everything’s different, and say yes, that was the start of it – that’s when it all began, and I didn’t even notice.

  Well, I noticed all right, and it was like – I can’t explain. It was like everything shattering apart, y’know? I mean everything. Things I thought I knew. Stuff I’d been taught. The foundation of my life is what I’m talking about here, and I felt it shift, and if you’ve never felt that then you don’t know what I’m talking about. Anyway, it shifted that night and shattered apart and Ma and Pa Askew never got their sweet little Zoe back. Oh, they thought they still had her, but they didn’t. It was somebody else.

  Somebody else entirely.

  DAZ

  ‘Here’s Cal now.’

  i lucked, and i seen this littel guy wiv spex. Fin he was. Five foot frag-all wiv blond hair and neat doodies like a Subby. i sez, you jest, and Mick sez no, that’s im.

  i cant beleev it. Like, Cal’s a nero, you know? A living ledge end. Peeple tork abowt im all the time. Thers a price on is hed for faxake, and hear he com lucking like a shagged-owt det-clecter.

  Aniway he com over and sez somfing 2 Mick and Mick sort of nods at me and nex fing Cal’s standing nex 2 me and he sez i’m off 4 a slash, foller in a minit. He gos of tord the bog and Mick does a fumsup wiv a silly grin on is face. i wait and wile i’m waiting i shoot anovver glance tord this Subby girl. She’s in a corner wiv er mates. She’s lucking at me but drops er eyes wen i luck at er. She’s making me feal funny and I wish she never com in tonite. Any ovver nite yes but not tonite. Why’d she hafta com in tonite of all nites, screwing me up, like i’m wondering if all Subbys’re bad. Cors all Subbys’re bad. Evry 1 knows that.

  i go in the bog. Thers 2 guys in, Cal and anovver. i pertend 2 slash and Cal’s wiping his hands til the geezer gos. Then he sez strait owt, who’s the girl?

  My hart kicks. Wot girl i sez, and he sez i seen you lucking at that Subby tart. Guy fancys Subby tarts no good in Dred. How you feel, sposin you gotta kill er? He torks fast, all the time watching the door. Jumpy i guess, i’d be jumpy an all, 50 thou on my hed.

  i dont know wot 2 say. Panicking inside finking, i’m blowing it. All that time waiting 2 com 15 and now i get my chance i’m blowing it. i kill er, i sez, no danger, but i’m not so shor and i fink he knows it, but before he can say anyfing else thers this crash like some 1 frou somfing and Cal sort ov freezes, lucking at the door. Then he spins rownd and befor i can breeve he’s up and away owt the window.

  I never seen any 1 move so fast.

  ZOE

  We nearly didn’t make it. I mean, everything could have ended for the four of us right there in the Blue Moon that night, and it’d all have been Larry’s fault.

  What happened was, he saw this girl. Chippy girl. She was with another girl and two guys and they might have been married for all we knew but it made no difference to old Larry. She was pretty and he was smashed and he caught her eye and smiled and started making signs for her to leave the others and come on over. I felt quite apprehensive about it in spite of the drink, and so did Ned. He said something to Larry – tried to get him to stop, but Larry accused him of being jealous and went right on doing it. The girl kept smiling, but it was the sort of smile people put on when they’re embarrassed and don’t know what else to do. I could see that, and I bet Tabby and Ned could too, but not Larry. Oh no. He thought she fancied him and redoubled his efforts.

  At first the two guys ignored him. Chippies don’t like people from the suburbs and they’d as soon smash a Subby to pulp as not. But there’s always big trouble with the police when something like that happens, so unless theyr’e members of Dred or very drunk they’ll usually bend over backwards not to get involved. In the face of their seeming indifference, Larry’s antics became increasingly gross, until finally he yelled at the top of his voice, ‘Come on over honey – you know you’re wasted on that trash!’ It was just our luck that this outburst coincided with a break in the music. There was this awful silence while everybody in the room turned to look at us, and then one of the two guys – the one who was with this girl I guess – got up and grabbed his chair and came at Larry like he meant to splatter his brain. He probably would’ve done it too, if two beefy guys hadn’t burst on the scene and put themselves between him and us. They must’ve been lurking somewhere discreetly, watching the trouble build. When the guy saw he wasn’t going to reach Larry he let out a roar and flung the chair. Larry threw up his arms to fend it off, and it bounced off him on to the floor. Meanwhile, the two heavies had grabbed the other guy and were wrestling him towards the door.

  Larry was hunched over, moaning and holding his arm. There was still no music, and everybody seemed to be watching us. The atmosphere of resentment was unmistakable: there was a sort of murmur, and I had the distinct feeling that the crowd was closing in on us. I was fuddled with the drink, I guess, but I remember thinking, this is it. We’ll never make the door. We’re gonna die. Tomorrow they’ll find the car, and maybe a shoe.

  Then I saw him – the guy I’d been looking at all night. I never saw him arrive, but suddenly there he was and he said, ‘You better leave with me. Now.’ He didn’t pause but sort of walked through us, slipping his arm through Larry’s on the way past, helping him along.

  We didn’t hang around.

  DAZ

  So this crash com and Cal’s away, i open the door a crack and luck owt and its wot i fought. Subbys. i knew ther be trubble tonite wiv them in. Stanstareeson dunnit.

  i luck and i fink, sod em. They blew it 4 me. Let em get topped. Then i seen the girl. The 1 i bin watching. She luck scairt. 2 hunnerd peeple want me ded, i luck scairt. i seen her and i cant let em do it. The uvvers i dont give a monkeys abowt but i cant let em top her.

  Its a tuff 1 cos the peeples real mad and i gotta be cool. i go over nice and easy. i tork soft. i tell em you better leave wiv me now, nor i dont stop neever. i grab this fin Subby wots hurting and shov frou going hello Pete, hows fings Miz Stanton, givin em the big smile. And all the time i’m finking, we not gonna make it. Somfing gonna snap but noffing does and it seems a longtime and then were at the door.

  i let go the fin Subby. Run, i sez. i know thay gorra motor near. Thay run. 3 of em. Not her. Run, i sez 2 her. Peeples coming, i sez. Lucking 2 her, 2 them, 2 her. Fanks, she sez, and she kiss my cheek quick and runs, i want 2 say somfing back but i dont know wot. Peeple shoving me. I showt somfing. You nice, i like you. somfing like that, but i dont fink she hears me. A motor starts. Dazzlers com on, moving. Shes away.

  After, i cant beleeve i don it. Wot am i, a Subby or somfing? i got bags ov time 2 fink about it anall, cos i sure cant go back in the Blew Moon now. Peeple stairi
ng and muttering.

  Mick. He give me this luck like i kick him in the teef and then he turns and gos back in. Evry 1 else gos in 2. i’m on my tod. i luck arownd 4 Cal but no chance. Black streets. A dog far of. Some rain. Home then. Watch the box wiv our mam.

  i’m not in Dred, our mam.

  That’s nice, Daz.

  i seen this Subby girl, our mam.

  Forget her, Daz.

  Not easy, our mam. Not easy.

  ZOE

  It must’ve been the shortest Chippy trip ever. Ned kept his foot down all the way and we were back in Silverdale for nine-thirty. Nobody spoke to me till Tabby said g’night when they dropped me off, and it took her all her time to say that. I guess I shouldn’t have hung around when it was time to go but the guy had stuck his neck out for us, hadn’t he? I couldn’t just run off without saying anything.

  Anyway, their being mad at me was the least of my worries right then. The worst thing was not being able to get the guy out of my mind. I kept seeing him in that doorway, holding everybody back while we got away. I tried telling myself he was just a Chippy and Chippies aren’t like us and all that sort of stuff, but it was no use. I knew he was a hero, even if he was a Chippy. He took our part and he’d suffer for it one way or another.

  And it wasn’t only that. If it had been I could have handled it, but there was something else. It was like he’d gotten inside my head and I couldn’t get him out. His smile. I only saw it once across that crummy room, but it must’ve printed itself on my eyelids or something because every time I closed them there he was, smiling. I even saw him when my eyes were open. In fact if you want the truth I wasn’t seeing or thinking of anything else.